慢活の龍媽

大少放春假在家兩個禮拜,所以奴婢很忙呢!忙到晚上倒頭就睡,根本沒時間寫東西. 除了每天幫他溫習英文phonics and reading,中文單字,數學加減法外,還開始教他鋼琴. 因為前陣子大少看學校女同學彈琴,突然吵著要彈,我當然趁勢趕快教.不知道他是不是三分鐘熱度,但教會七個音符和基本東西,總比不會好嘛!所以還蠻多事做的.加上去了海洋公園看北極狼,又去了香港動植物公園看美洲豹,其實要不是天氣不好,我可是天天想往外跑的….反而大少有幾次叫也叫不出去呢! (什麼不好像老爺,千萬別像他可以天天窩在家像蛇在冬眠). 有時候他情願幫我做蛋糕都不肯出去…搞不懂.

其實我很喜歡大少放假,因為不用送上下學,時間彈性比較大.又可以出去玩.我真不懂為什麼有很多家長卻每天幫孩子安排上這上那,搞到好像趕場一樣…今天老爺給我看了這篇文章,是香港2005年會考(聯考)的閱讀題目…寫的不錯,和大家分享一下…也借此文警惕大家不要變成 “pushy parents”把小孩的時間表排到滿出來,搞到他們沒有真正的時間和父母在一起,也不懂得怎麼自己和自己玩,雖是有十八般武藝在身,卻不懂怎麼跟人相處,或平靜地自處.原文:
Overworked and underplayed
By Constance Haisma-Kwok

Ten-year-old Linda is a typical Hong Kong primary school student. She attends classes from 8.30am to 2.30pm then heads off to her extra-curricular activities. On Mondays it is a piano lesson; on Tuesdays it is Putonghua; Wednesdays, netball games; Thursday, netball practice; Friday basketball; Saturday Kumon (a system for learning maths, English and Japanese) and basketball. And it is church on Sundays. It's a full, fairly common schedule.

But is it the healthiest? Recently educators and paediatricians in Hong Kong and abroad have started to question the effects of heavy schedules on children. In the United States, new phrases have been coined to describe the phenomenon, including “over-scheduled kids”, “push parenting”, “hyper-parenting” and “competitive parenting”.

Dr Alvin Rosenfeld, a father of three and author of Hyper-Parenting – The Overscheduled Child, says parents succumb to the activity trap “because we sincerely want what's best for our kids and are willing to do whatever it takes to give them a shot at success in life”.

Unfortunately, teaching junior to speak a second language at three, recite his multiplication tables by five and play piano by seven does not guarantee a spot in a top school, let alone future happiness. In fact, William Fitzsimmons, dean of admissions at Harvard, co-wrote an article on the growing numbers of burnt-out kids applying to university.

As he and many child-care experts see it, today's ambitious parents have gone too far. In their quest for a high-achieving child, they began substituting family meals eaten together for violin lessons and football practice. Linda, for example, says that the latest she gets home is 7.30pm, which makes for a pretty long day – one equivalent to a hard-working adult's. In their 1999 tome, The Seven Worst Things A Parent Can Do, psychologists John and Linda Friel list “pushing your child into too many activities” as the third worst mistake a parent can make. “Parents work themselves to death … and decided to work their children to death too,” they lament.

Some doctors, such as Rosenfeld and Elisabeth Guthrie (author of No More Push Parenting), even attribute the rise in teen suicide, eating disorders, depression and drug use to children under pressure to do too much, too soon. Says Guthrie: “In their effort to produce a ‘well-rounded’ child, [parents] force their children into activities that they might not enjoy or even be suited for.” As Rosenfeld points out: “We want well-rounded kids, but there are no well-rounded adults.”

Rosenfeld, who is based in the US, notes that the hyper-parenting trend is strongest in middle- to upper-middle-class families. “Raising children is not like writing an academic assignment or putting together a marketing plan,” he says. “It requires a different, relatively low-tech, not always logical yet emotionally rich, skill set.”

Founded just eight years ago with a few classrooms, Hong Kong-based Kids' Gallery now boasts three campuses and 2,600 students. But founder Joanna Hotung is surprised by the business’ success. It's the competitive spirit of parents who want to enrol their toddlers in classes that really takes her aback. “It's amazing. We start classes at 16 months old, but many parents want to put their children in before,” says Hotung. “They are sure their child is a genius and will even lie to us about the child's age.”

The potential for children to fail at an activity and therefore disappoint their parents is bad enough, but children with little time to create, imagine, and socialise with their peers are missing key opportunities for social and emotional development. And their full schedules are leading to a serious lack of sleep.

Sarah Andres, who teaches seven-year-olds at Hong Kong International School says: “I tutor three kids after school and I would say that of the three, only one really needs a tutor. These kids are getting by, but the parents want them to do even better.” Rob Davidson, special-needs teacher and guidance counsellor at German Swiss International School (GSIS), echoes Andres’ sentiment. “Parents need to know that children don’t have to have their schedules completely filled,” he says. “Try to leave a day open – it can be filled with free play, a play date, or just sitting on the sofa reading a book. And parents really need to ensure that older children are getting enough physical activity and sleep. Six to eight hours may be enough for some adults, but it is not for children. I recommend nine to 10 hours – and possibly more for younger children.”

Despite such concerns, it is inevitable that for most Hong Kong parents and children, certain activities are non-negotiable. For many native Chinese speakers, English tuition is a must, as is Putonghua for others. In nearly all households there is at least one activity that must be pursued. Hotung, for example, insists her daughters learn ballet and Putonghua. They also spend a good deal of time at Kids' Gallery, including four lessons on Saturdays.

Hotung says parents should take note of the appropriateness of each class, however. Davidson agrees. “What I tell parents is that things are different for each child. For some, one activity a day is too many, for others two is not,” he says. He also recommends that parents should ask whether their child often complains about going to a particular activity, or seems overly tired.

Rosenfeld says the efforts are justified by the rewards: happier, less-stressed kids, and more meaningful family time. “Parents worry about kids’ boredom, so they schedule their lives to keep them busy,” he says. “But empty hours teach children how to create their own happiness.”